Upset

I am so upset. I just returned to work on Tuesday this week, I was shocked that the Training Needs Analysis and Training Effective Report was still not done yet. The Training Plan was also waiting for my return. I feel so indispensable... not in a good way, I don't think it's good to make an employee feel this way. An employee should definitely not be made to feel that she alone doing a job. Sigh, I really hate the office politics bullshit too. Just four days at work and I'm dreading it already. Can I survive?

This is Matt at 13 weeks. He had a fever after his Hib/DPT jab. Poor thing. Don't you think he looks so cute with the cloth on his head? I was sponging him to keep the temperature down. The last picture is him after he has recovered from his fever :).

Worry wort!

I'm a worry wort. I worry about a lot of things, like if my little ones will be taken good care of when I go back to work. Sam will be in a student care and little Matt in infant care. I wonder if I've made the right decision to let them go to these places, I wonder if I should quit my job and stay at home and look after them instead.. I know that these should not be a big issue, after all, so many parents have their kids in student care and infant care that it's quite common in Singapore. And yet, I can't quite help but feel helpless and frustrated and maybe even a bit guilty, how can we just leave our children in the care of 'strangers'?

It's hard being a parent, surprisingly my hubby does not seem perturbed by these at all. Men are really wired differently!

Infant care and after school care

My sister-in-law, Karen, told me about baby sign language! I checked it out and found that it's rather interesting and fun. Most sites that I have visited give a few basic signs for free and will either teach you the rest for a fee or sell you a book on it. I'm still considering if I should buy one as I'll be sending Matt to infant care next month (when I go back to work), I'm wondering if it will help him or if it'll work in the first place since he'll only be exposed to it during weekends and a few hours every night...

I feel sad that I have to place Matt in an infant care but we have no other choice as this is certainly not a good time for me to quit my job. We need the income *sigh* Wish I didn't have to go back to work, I really enjoyed bringing Sam up myself and charting his developments week by week, month by month. Just thinking about what I'll miss with Matt makes me very sad. What's worse than putting your baby in infant care? It's having to put your other son in after school care as well. Somehow, I feel like we are doing something really wrong here. How is it that we are not coping as well now as our parents did long ago? Support! Family support that is, sadly we have none of it now. My mom is in Malaysia, so one half of the family support is unavailable, and as for Kelv's mom, well, she's not really into looking after kids.. so no support from there.

Supermom I'm not.

My day starts early, slightly after 5 in the morning. I get Sam's breakfast ready, pack munchies for him for his recess break and send him to get his bus. Then it's off to the market I go. I can afford only a quick trip so everything has to be bought in half an hour as Kelv needs to get to work. Then it's time to get Kelv's breakfast ready and have a quick breakfast with him.

When he's out the door, I start cleaning the veggies or meat I bought from the market and pack them in the fridge or freezer for later. Then the real work begins... laundry first, followed by a quick mop of the apartment (it gets pretty dusty where I live as lots of renovation goes on in the surrounding area). Before I hang my freshly laundered clothes, I'd bring down the ones I hung to dry (the day before), fold them and store them in the wardrobes. All these are done in between feeding and caring for Matthew.

By late morning, most of these chores would have been done. I'd give Matthew a bath and then it'll be some cuddle time for him. After that, I'd leave him in his cot with the mobile on to entertain him while I quickly prepare lunch for Sam.

By early afternoon, Matt and I will be at the bus stop waiting for Sam's school bus to bring him home. Once home, my afternoon is busier than my morning ever was! Getting Sam to shower and have his lunch is a challenge, everyday. Then it's homework time, which takes him very long too and he'd always want mommy to help out with his colouring. I'd go through his school diary to make sure he didn't leave out any homework, supervise him doing his homework and packing his school bag for the next day. Yes, all these while still feeding and caring for Matt, I even have to squeeze time in between all that for nursery rhymes and songs for Matt. Got to stimulate the little one too.

Normally by 4 or 5 in the evening, I'm pooped. Physically - a little, but emotionally... yes, very very tired. I normally try to get Sam to watch Matt (while keeping an eye on them from the kitchen) while I rush to prepare dinner. Kelv is back by half past six or so and we'd sit down to have dinner together. Sam gets an hour of cartoons after dinner while I do the dishes and the daddy bonds with the little one. More often than not, he falls asleep while he's supposed to be bonding with Matt... sigh. I spend a little more time with Sam before preparing him for bed (which is another nightly struggle). Then I'd clean Matt before I pop him into his jammies and put him in his cot for the night.

Once both the little ones are in bed, I do the ironing ~ mostly uniforms, Kelv's and Sam's uniforms and some of our clothes, and mending, you know sewing the occassional button that comes off, Sam's iron-on name tag which somehow is coming off one by one from his uniform . . I'd end the day updating Kelv on Sam's progress in school and Matt's progress at home. Sometimes Kelv and I would watch a movie together before calling it a night. I'd be in bed by midnight on most nights, tired! I'm no Supermom...

Matt at one month

Here's Matt in the car seat on the way to the hospital for his check up.
The third pic is Matt with some RBW (Red, Black & White coloured) cards to help him enhance his eyesights.

Matthew's first pics

These are Matt's first few pictures in this world. Isn't he adorable? I love his round little head, big eyes and pronounced chin.

Time flies..

It's been 4 weeks since I last blogged! Time passes by really, really, really fast when you have to look after two young ones. Sam's enjoying school but complaining about having to do homework. Matt is growing up fast, almost hitting 5 kg this week!

I met with an accident last week on my way to NCC, I rear-ended a car and now our car is in the workshop and we are feeling really lost without it. Wanted to send off my sis in law who's flying to Hong Kong today and found it really difficult to journey to the airport with a baby and pram without a car. But we somehow managed, thank God.

This CNY was not as merry as other years, .... maybe it's the bleak economy forecast this year causing everyone to cut back on expenses and thus affecting the mood. It was a mad CNY too as we had to rush to Melaka on the evening of first day of CNY and be back in Singapore on the 3rd day of CNY as Sam has to go back to school. Whew, mad rush.. very tiring.

Lump in breast

Just went for my check up and my gynae found a lump in my breast. She said it shouldn't be anything sinister but I've still to pay a visit to the NCC (National Cancer Centre) for a check-up just to be sure. I'm kinda worried but she did say that it's common for some breast feeding mothers to get lumps due to blocked ducts or engorgements etc. So will see how it goes.

Matt's growing real quick, he's already 4.5 kg! He's up most of the afternoons so I spend my time either reading nursery ryhmes or singing (silly songs, haha..) to him. He's smiling and gurgling a lot, more expressive now. My only concern is his weird feeding schedule. It can stretch anything from 2 to 3 1/2 hours, and he's not finishing his milk consistently too. Other than that, he's growing well.